7-11!

Last Saturday,

I went to 7-11 to get reloads.

While waiting for the worker to key in the codes for the reloads.

An Indian Man came in with a knife.

He started shouting for stuff,

But,

He shouted in Tamil,

So,

We had no idea wat he wanted,

Then I took some mineral water bottles and threw at him!

He cried,

&

He left!

hahahaha!

*joking k*

Actual story,

An indian man,

After taking drinks from the fridge,

At the counter,

He reached his hands out to grab a box on condoms as though they were sweets.

*I could sense SHYNESS in his face*

The 7-11 worker kinda acted a lil weird and looked at me,

I bet she had this in her mind,

*dude, he's buying condoms! he's gonna ehem ehem!*

I must admit,

I felt the awkwardness in buying condoms!

But then again,

We have to PROMOTE HEALTHY SEX!

So,

People,

Do USE CONDOM K!

=)

Moral Exam!

So,

We were studying for MORAL EXAM!

The last paper of all.

The lecturer sorta gave us the QUESTIONS before hand!

&

We were going through the net for answers.

One of the questions were ' 4 KEBENARAN MULIA BUDDHA '

&

We went through the net,

&

We found this!

*not so mulia of ppl*

Dont get me wrong!

I'm not insulting or making fun of RELIGION!

I'm a Buddhist myself n I love it!

=)

POOKY Panther!

Pink Panther!

I never really liked him tho.

Don't know why!

Each time I see him,

I just feel like YERH!!!

Now I know why I hate him all these while!

Now!

I know why I dont like HIM!

He's A HORNY IDIOT!

=)

P/S : I'M BACK!

Will Be Back!

=)

Energizer Baby!

According to some people!

Quite a number actually,

I came across them.

They tell me that,

They can SLEEP MINIMAL for a few days.

Then,

The following few days,

They sleep NON-STOP!

Oh well,

U might think its normal,

But,

The truth is,

No human exists as such form k!

U think ur're A BLOODY BEAR!

Hibernate for dam long time!

WTH!

Or rather,

A RECHARGABLE ENERGIZER battery.

with a phrase of 'Long Lasting Action'

U use up all the power at once, then u recharge??

Dont be stupid lar!

If u really think u are like that, Then Almighty is having a Tough Time charging ur power at once!

=)

Paris Hilton!

U know recently,

Paris Hilton was supposed to come down to Malaysia for a Promo thingy.

&

She cancelled it last minute coz she was caught up in SOMEWHERE

Oh well,

Finally,

She did managed to come down to Malaysia.

&

Me and few of my friends managed to go see her!

(How lucky is that right?)

PARIS HILTON !!!

Maybe u dont believe me that I actually met her!
Here are the PROOF k!

See! Told u! I saw her!

Me & Phileas took pictures with her!

I even got to put my hands around her shoulders!! *SO LUCKY!*

My friend,JUSTIN, even scolded her for being so NAUGHTY all the time!

Finally, she got tired of talking to us,
She asked me to DO ACUPUNTURE on her!
( ACUPUNTURE = POKING! )

So,
I comply to her request!
( If ur're UNDERAGE! please dont see the following things K)
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I couldnt find any needles,
Obviously, I cannot poke her with ehem ehem
So,
I used the RESISTORS i found from LAB? ahhahaha
&
I Poked her!
I know they look like SHE'S HAIRY! *No no, she's pretty SHAVED*

It's ACUPUNCTURE! Not HAIRY K!

SORRY FOR THE RUBBISHES!

We were kinda CRAZY from the late night STUDYING! N i suddenly had PARIS HILTON zooommm passed my mind!

=)

Big tummy guy from the previous post!

If u happened to see the previous post,

The big tummy guy with the specs,

The one which commited suicide and didnt die.

Well,

His name is Ying Yang.

We happen to have this conversation.

( I wasnt wearing shirt, bra, etc)

Ying Yang: Eh!! Ur nipple very sexy lar!

Han Jien: *in a happy mood, walks towards him*

Ying Yang: Can I LICK AR?

Yeah! Yeah!

He'll probably,

LICK & SUCK,

&

I will make milk for him

Thts why he has a big tummy!

=)

Lil Story about two BIG GUYS!

Once upon a time,

There were two guys,

One named CHICK

&

The other KEN.

They both are QUITE BIG in TUMMY size.

They owe the big tummys to FOOD, Girlfriend (Lay Fong, If ur're reading this, U faham-faham lar k!)

Having BIG TUMMY bring both pros and cons.

The bad thing is,

When these two people attend classes together,

This happens,

As u see, they got stuck at the door while entering a class.

Then, they EMO-ED!

Due to this,

One of them decided to COMMIT SUICIDE.

So, he jumped,

(OPSSIE!)

&
Jump!

&
He finally reached the ground!

Amazingly,
he didnt die,
but he suffered some knee damage

On the other hand,
The other BIG TUMMY guy,
decided to just sleep it off!

FAT & BIG TUMMY people are SPECIAL!

*Thats why, people who commit suicide n die are mostly THIN PEOPLE!*

=)

Adam Lambert in Malaysia.

No,

I did not get to attend the concert,

Because, i'm a poor guy!

OR

I was afraid that I would be WHACKED by protestors.

1st of all,

It's kinda silly to have such protest because people there already bought their tickets,

&

They mmg wanna attend his concert.

Oh well,

I wont condemn the PROTEST,

I will be like them then.

They do have their reasons for the protest,

I respect it,

But not do it like that.

I dont want people to see my face, coz, when the concert starts, I will take it off & HAVE A BLAST AT THE CONCERT, *I bought first row tickets*

Now,

The protestors kinda like ADAM I think

They referred him as BELIAU.

Cool Cool.

This is wat I came up with.

Titles from ADAM'S songs.

Adam: I would say I it's impossible to perform in MALAYSIA with 'No Boundaries'

Protestors: 'If I Had You', we will all turn into GAYS.

Adam: I want to perform 'For Your Entertainment'. So, 'Wataya Want From Me'?

=)

Random in Cinema.

Have u tried this?

Enter a Cinema,

Take out ur shirt and watch the movie?

( apply to guys only lar k, if u girls wanna do it, be sure to ajak me, I WILL PAY FOR UR TICKET, POPCORNS, EVERYTHING!)

Oh well, I did it recently, COZ it was HOT in there!

During horror movie,

Surely got some QUIET scenes,

Where everything just goes ZZZZZZ! ( U can even hear people FART!)

&

They wait for the GHOST to AHHHH!

&

People will start MOANING as tho they got Tickled by the Ghost.

During the QUIET part,

U can hear a Loud, Deep SNORE!

Thats from HAN JIEN & HIS FRIENDS.

The other day,

I went for a movie.

A 'couple' was sitting at the side, where there are only two seats.

They started SMOOCHINGGGG!!! CHINGGG!!!

The girl was SUPER HOT! Super Model Type!

(Trust me guys, Ur lil brother will SHOOT! even if u never touch him)

&

The guy! OH MY!! He's not only handsome, CARRY DSLR, wear nice shirt, STYLE THE HAIR)

&

'He' shared similarities with the GIRL, which is PUSSY, BOOBS, BRA, Period 'TABLE' etc....

*Disappointing World we live in*

=)

Finals!

Finals is in 8 days time!

Always u'll see this,

When it's week 16/16 in a Semester, everyone will start rushing to STUDY, ASK QUESTIONS here and there, Photocopy past papers.. etc...

They will be like HEAD-Less Chicken running in A MARATHON!

Oh well,

I know this coz I am like that also.

(We are only human)

Abnormal human beings or ALIENS will do this,

During week 1/16 in a semester, they will be studying FOR FINALS!

Then, when it reaches week 16/16, they will be lepaking, making out n stuff.

Actually, we should all be like that!

GOOD'S LUCK'S TO'S ALL'S PEOPLE'S if ur having exams, n if ur're not, then good luck for ur future exams!

=)

Poor Guys.

As life goes.

Guys cannot CHEAT on their Partners.

While

Girls, Ladies, Women CAN! Cheat on their partners.

When a MAN has 2 partners at once,

Upon caught by either partner.

She will immediately leave the guy,

Actually,

Both ladies will LEAVE that guy.

When a lady cheats and have two guys at once,

Upon finding out,

Only ONE will leave.

The other will surely STAY!

This kind of situations are similar to KEY & THE LOCK.

Ladies RESEMBLE the LOCK, (Somehow, due to the 'HOLE' thing)

Guys RESEMBLE the KEYS, (Somehow, due to the hanging thing that they have)

A LOCK can have "MULTIPLE KEYS" to open it.

But,

A key can only OPEN ONE LOCK.

If,

A key tries to open other locks, they will be CAUGHT!

The 2nd Similarity is ARROWS & THE TARGET.

Ladies RESEMBLE the TARGET

Guys RESEMBLE the ARROWS ( Somehow, guys have one SHARP POINTY thingy)

A TARGET ( Ladies) can have MULTIPLE ARROWS 'INSIDE' them

But,

One Arrow can only 'PENETRATE' one Target.

If the arrow tries to 'SHOOT' more targets at once, it has to BREAK into two( Which is IMPOSSIBLE)

Ladies,

Please have MERCY on us guys.

We dont have the BENEFIT to CHEAT & GAIN from it.

While girls CAN!

=)

Marks That Fell From The Sky.

I had this Dynamics Class Assignment.

It's sorta like a TEST.

It consists of 15% of the overall 100% of that particular subject.

Oh well,

Since it was IN THE CLASS,

&

We sat as close as SIAMESE TWINS.

We not only sat close,

We even had the convenience of DISCUSSION!

After some Discussions,

A few of us came up with an answer.

(Oh well, after few ppl agreeing, it must the right answer, RIGHT??)

So,

The few pair of SIAMESE TWINS of us,

Wrote down the SAME ANSWERS.

&

Passed Up happily, "KNOWING" that we will SCORE!

A week later,

We got back out PAPERS.

As u can see, we got all WRONG.

X here and there!

OKAY!

Now the best PART,

After all the WRONGS!

I got,

I got a 10/15!

Hahahaha!

I dont know where did the marks came out from.

( I didnt Bullshit my marks K, I didnt use liquid paper, photoshop or wat so ever)

=)

Commonwealth Commentary

If u watch the live telecast commonwealth thingy on TV, Channel 1

RTM 1.

Then u will know wat i'm saying.

The commentator,

Likes to change the athlete's names.

Dinesh - DANISH. (That guy happened to be from SRI LANKA, but they change him to some white fella from white country)

Megan Dunn - MEGAN TAN.

Leng Louis - LENG LUI'S. (I was thinking, where got LENG LUI, wat the hell is this fella talking about, Guy playing, but keep on Leng Lui Leng Lui)

Shane Perkins - SHAME PERKINS

Josiah Ng - JOSIAH ANG

A particular Commentator was talking about a Cycling Event.

When the cyclist started off, he had this GRRRR face on him, as he was trying very hard to accelerate.

Our dear Commentator was saying this,

"Ahhh Ahh, Kini dia mula! *grrrrrr* kayuhhannya *grrr* yang *grrrr* sungguh kuat *grrrrrr* "

(He was practically grinning also, wat the hell u share the same grin as cyclist for? )

2nd one. Ping Pong game.

Wahh! Back hand yang amat baik sekali.

Lagi satu back hand screw yang amat tajam.

Ya ya, ohhhh.... Lu punya cibai lar, tak tahu bagi return yang lebih bagus?!!

Nenek saya boleh bagi return yang lebih Mahai lar.

Bodoh! Bodoh! balik rumah main burung lar, main ping pong pulak!

(I just simply created the 2nd one)

+)

P/S: Malaysian Commentary will keep u entertain. They are LAME LAME LAME ppl.

Swimming Student.

Me and another few people conduct swimming classes in uni.

&

I happened to teach students who 'were' practically scared of water.

&

One of them has a body that potray a ROCK! STONE!

He's like DAM DAM DAM stiff! Cannot seem to relax.

Oh well,

He was doing kicking,

After a million times of teaching,

Questions were thrown at him,

Question: Eh, U know wat are ur legs doing or not?

Stone Guy: Er, hehehehe, I dont know wor.

*I was like, WTH! U dont know ur own leg*

HanJien: Then U know, when ur Birdie Go HARD HARD, U know or not?

Stone Guy: OH! YES!! I know I know.

HanJien: Then when u 'SHOOT', U know or not?

Stone Guy: hahaha! YES! YES! I know!

HanJien: Then, U know wat u do till u SHOOT? * While showing hand up n down ;) *

Stone Guy: ER ER ER ER! Yes, I know!

HanJien: THEN! Why u dont bloody know wat is going on with ur legs??!!!

Stone Guy: Very easy! My BIRDIE, One Batang only, but my legs Two Batang!!

People are dam smart nowadays!

+)

Fish!

We were having dinner.

&

We had FISH as one of the dishes.

While eating the fish.

My friend said this,

" Eh, the meat in the fish FACE part is the NICEST "

I started LAUGHING.

By definition from the WEB, face means,

the front of the human head from the forehead to the chin and ear to ear; "he washed his face"; "I wish I had seen the look on his face when he got the news"

All I know is that fishes have HEAD. Not FACE.

Imagine this,

FISH HEAD Curry -> FISH FACE Curry.

FISH HEAD Fried Noodles -> FISH FACE Fried Noodles.

The Fish is a very special animal. They have FACE. U see the CHEEKS, CHIN, FOREHEAD(Flower Horn).

Since, in terms of my friend, HEAD = FACE. Then, FACEBOOK = HEADBOOK!

=)

P/S: When u see someone with a FISHY LOOK. 'DUDE! U got FISH FACE'

Daddy!

Daddy came

&

We talked about studies.

He asked,

How are studies?

I said,

Oh! Studies? EASY PEASY lar! haiyo, u know me, I'm Han Jien wert, UR SON! How hard can it get?

*okie okie, I was just joking k, i didnt say such things*

I really said this,

I'm super STRESSED up, dam difficult semester, gonna die edi lar.

Dad said,

Oh, if u can say difficult, then crazy edi.

*I'm so flattered*

*The best part is this*

He then continue with this,

Haiya, take it EASY lar, Chill. Cannot ma dont force lar. FAIL MA FAIL lar. No worries.

hahaha!

So nicey! Daddy is asking me to fail!

I guess, deep down inside, he knows I wont fail! CHEH!!

=)

Guys need Girls, Girls Need Guys.

U guys might think, NO! we are egoistic ppl, we dont need girls, WE CAN Master8ate ourselves.

U girls might think, NO! we can live on our OWN two feet. WE CAN have test tube babies!

YES! YES! Either one is also CORRECT.

But then,

U gotta see this,

Girls are smarter, (I admit)

Without dumb guys,

How can girls say that they are SMARTER? Takkan girls wanna compare with Animals right?

With girls,

Guys can also say that they are 'dumber' than girls.

Guys can carry BRICKS,

Girls cannot, but, girls can carry BROOMS & MOPS.

Guys build the HOUSE,

Girls can help clean it up.

Girls can CAMWHORE,

Guys can CAMWHORE too!

Without guys, girls wont Camwhore.

Same,

Without girls, guys wont Camwhore.

(It would serve no purpose to Camwhore for ur own gender to see)

Guys need Girls to give birth and take care of babies.

Girls still need the ' Lil Soldiers ' of guys to ' make the war happen '.

Girls need money from guy to be able to say this, "Husband's money is also Wife's money"

Guys HAVE to give money to the wife to follow, "Husband's money is also Wife's money"

U might not be convinced,

But still,

Carry on with ur 'THINKING'.

All I'm saying is that,

Girls needs Guys as much as Guys needs Girls.

Thats why! The world is ROUND, not square!

=)