Ben 10

U touch my car,

I POW!! POW!! POW!! u with BEN 10 powers!

Try me baby!

Kids nowadays are so lucky.

Parents will do what ever it takes to make their children happy.

Even,

Sticking such a big BEN10 sticker on their cars.

Last time,

Stick one small hello kitty sticker INSIDE the car also kena makan Rotan edi.

Imagine one of this BEN10 stickers ended up on a LAMBORGHINI!

=)

Newspaper 2

If u happened to read the newspaper.

There is a news on a couple being sent to jail and some correction school.

Their criminal act was 'intentionally abandoning a baby'.

They guy was sentenced to jail

&

The girl was sent to a correction place.

Both of them asked for lighter sentences.

The guy said,

I learnt my mistakes & I will marry the girl after this, give me shorter jail term.

The girl said,

Please dont send me to that school, got alot of lesbians there. *just joking*

She said,

Please dont send me to that school, I'm so horny now, I have to let my baby suck it off. *just joking*

She really said this,

Please dont send me to that school, because I'm breastfeeding the baby.

Ya! Ya! Ya!

When u both decided to throw away the baby,

Did u thought of marrying the girl???

Did u thought of breastfeeding the baby???

NOOOOO!!

All u wanted was, to go have sex with another girl.

&

Go breastfeed other GUYS instead of that poor baby!

Serve U two right!

Wanna fulfill LUST,

Baby come out edi,

Throw away,

Kena Caught,

Now have to go jail edi,

Give Bullshit excuses!

Hope ur Jail Term gets extended.

P/S: Ppl, please dont do such shits!

=)

Badminton Racquet.

Recently,

While playing Badminton,

I BROKE my racquet,

&

N it broke my heart! =(

Nevermind!

I got a new idea on which racquet to get.

This racquet only cost RM13!

Am gonna try to use this RACQUET.

Made from steel strings, wont break.

Cost LOW.

Even if break a few,

I dont mind.

Even the NATIONAL Team Players.

Can start to use this RACQUET.

Then, they will become WORLD & OLYMPIC CHAMPIONS.

Coz,

Example,

When Lee Chong Wei plays Lin Dan.

&

Chong Wei uses this racquet.

When he hits the shuttle to Lin Dan,

He will ZAP! it with electricity.

When the shuttle hits Lin Dan's Racquet,

He will get electrocuted and he will be stunned for a while,

(Yea Yea! Lin Dan kena ZAPPED! WOHOO!)

Therefore,

Giving Chong Wei the advantage!

WAHLAH!

WORLD & OLYMPIC CHAMPION BABY!!

=)

A Newspaper Report.

MUAR: A teenager nicknamed Mat Tetek who went around harassing women by squeezing their breasts and even flashing his private parts has been arrested.

The 17-year-old youth, who came from Kluang (LUCKILY NOT KLANG) to live with his elder sister in Kampung Parit Yusof here, was detained after police tracked the motorcycle he used to terrorise his victims.

Muar police chief Asst Comm Mohammed Nasir Ramli said the youth first molested a 22-year-old woman motorcyclist near a petrol kiosk in Parit Jawa on Wednesday.

He said the youth approached the woman and when she slowed down, he touched her breasts and sped off when she shouted.

The woman managed to note down the motorcycle registration number and passed the information to the police.

“On Thursday, the youth terrorised four more women, including one near a bus stop by squeezing their breasts,” ACP Mohammed Nasir told reporters here yesterday.

He said the youth even flashed his private parts at a 49-year-old woman at about 7.15am.

He said the youth also snatched a handbag from one of the victims, adding that police detained him at his sister’s house at about 8.50pm on Thursday.

This caught my attention.
Not because of the dirty things that he does.

I guess,

His tactics are like that.

1st, he will go up to the lady.

Then, GRAB the Boobs or wat so ever.

Then,

When the girl screams.

He will take out his weapon (in this case, his lil brother)

Then,

He will stuff it in the girls mouth to Gag her!

Then,

He will Snatch away the handbag.

I feel like killing him in one way or another.

Sampart People we have in this world.

Ladies, Please be careful.

P/S: If ever such a thing happen to u, a guy FORCEFULLY put his 'LIL BROTHER' into ur mouth, PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! ( Promise me, u'll do this) BITE THAT PIECE OF SHIT OFF! Let that idiot suffer. It will save ur life!

=)

Tips Of No Help.

A lecturer came in the class.

Said this to us,

" Class, I will now give u all the tips for the QUIZ on Chapter 13 "

Everybody goes,

" YES! Got tips, hahahaha! "

Lecturer then started to give tips.

All the students,

Including me,

Started to copy wat he said.

As time goes on,

The things that we copied became MORE & MORE.

Until it reached almost,

ONE PAGE OF A4 paper.

At the end of it all,

He finished.

When we finally came to OUR DUMB SENSES.

He gave tips that COVERED EVERYTHING in that Topic.

What an ASS fella!

Mind as well,

Just tell us to study everything!

SAKAI U lecturer.

=)

Too Much Of Differentiation In LIFE!

When u have too much Calculus, DIFFERENTIATION in LIFE!

All sorts of things will go through ur mind.

Like the following.

( U gotta understand basic differentiation to get it, even form 4 will do)

Rate of change of V in terms of t.

OR

Change of something on the top DEPENDING on something of the BOTTOM.

EXAMPLES:-

The rate of ur FAILURE in STUDIES depending on HOW much u FACEB*OK.

The Rate of SMARTNESS u'll be in TERMS of How Much U STUDY!

How FAT u'll be In Terms of HOW MUCH U EAT.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Now Now, I'm sure u got wat I mean already.

If ur're underage, please exit now,

If u want to see further,

GO ON OWN RISK !

Happy LEARNING MORE!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Rate of How Fast A Guy Will Reach Climax Depends on HOW HARD THE GIRL BANGED HIM!

How Loose ............................................................*understand it urself*

The rate of How Fast Dick Hardens in terms of How Sexy The Girl Is!

=)

Jam & Toilet!

While driving,
On a JAMMED highway.
JAM is super long!
Car Petrol sign keep on coming out on the dashboard!
Wanna go toilet dam badly,
The PEE stayed on closed door for 30mins edi.
The next PETROL STATION is 30mins away.
All u have is a bottle.


This HAPPENS!

















>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>























PROBLEM SOLVED!
Super Car! Can move on PEE!

Then,
When u reached home!
Mummy tells u that

The Petrol Indicator Spoil already!

=)

A Small Lil Room

In this Small Lil Room of mine.

I have 3 FANS! THREE FANS!

U know WHY I have so many fans??!

>

>

>

>

>

Because!

I'm a HOT! HOT! HOT! guy.

*Okie okie, u all must be puking*

The real reason is,

I'm still a HOT! HOT! HOT! guy!

hahahaha!

*okie lar okie lar, sorry for all the bullshits k*

The REAL REAL REAL reason is,

The weather outside is very HOT nowadays.

Three Fans also not enough to COOL off!

Anyways! I'M STILL A HOT! HOT! HOT! Guy k!

=)

Dirty Teachings In Fast Food Restaurants.

If u eat fast food alot,

U should know what is this.

If u are old enough,

&

Got a dirty enough mind.

U should know what is this.

Open UP ur mind!

SEE!!

What kids nowadays will learn.

A 4 year old boy will ask his mother.

" GONCANG what mummy? my TINY birdie??? "

=)

P/S: dont eat so much fast food k! will die fast! MSG!

Difference When U Eat In Mamak & Dine In Nice Restaurants

A plate of Fried Rice in a NICE Restaurant is RM12

A plate of Fried Rice in a Mamak Stall is RM4.

A difference of multiples of 3 times.

U know WHY??!

These are the reasons :-

1. The tables in the Restaurant is so CLEAN, even if ur food drop on the table, u can SCOOP it back to eat it.

Not only scoop back, u can practically LICK it from the table.

BUT,

If ur food happened to drop on the table of Mamak, Even if i wash and cook again, U wont eat!

2. When u enter a Nice Restaurant, u will get GREETINGS!

BUT,

In a Mamak Stall, all u get from the workers are STARES that means * tengok apa LANC*U*

3. In a Nice Restaurant, u get to be a good CITIZEN and pay for 5% GOVERNMENT TAX.

BUT,

In a Mamak Stall, U will be a LOUSY CITIZEN because u dont pay TAX!

(Konnonnya Malaysian Citizen, Celebrate Merdeka, Malaysia Day summor)

4. In a Nice Restaurant, the workers will feel TREASURED! because, u pay them 10% Service Charge.

BUT,

In a Mamak Stall, they are not TREASURED, so, U MIGHT FIND SALIVA in ur FOODS!

5. In a Nice Restaurant, u Wont GET LUNG CANCER, because ppl dont smoke there.

BUT,

In a Mamak Stall, all u get is CHIMNEYS!

6. A RM12 Fried Rice got PORK!

BUT,

A RM4 Fried Rice got PORK-LESS!

So,

The High End, Nice Restaurant WINS!

=)

Maids Become Part of the Family

I'm sure most of u people got maid at home, some even maidS.

Well,

My maid is here for 2 years already.

She's leaving tmr back to her home, Cambodia.

Sadly,

She wont be returning because she has to take care of her children.

Now now,

My point is,

After having someone in ur hse for two years,

They sorta become part of the family.

I had to leave home today,

Therefore, wont be sending her off.

She knew about it,

This was what she told me.

" Han Jien, U going study today?..... Goodbye..... *she pauses for a while* FOREVER "

When she said Forever, I was like, Pls dont get emo k, Yes Yes, I am sad that u are leaving too.

Overall,

She's a nice maid.

She knows how to differentiate $ US Dollars $ between the fake ones and real ones.

She MISS CALLS me at times, ( SAMPART WAN )

She finishes all the MAGGI MEE at home and deny even eating any! ;)

I wanted to teach her to scold words like CiBai lar, Fuck lar, etc.. so she can use them in Cambodia ( but never got the chance to do it)

Bye-Bye Maid.... forever....

=(

P/S : Treat ur maid good.

Nasty Cinema Worker

I was watching Resident Evil with a few friends.

We went in early and sat in the cinema.

They were still showing advertisements and people were still walking in.

Then,

A worker ( with his big torchlight walked in)

He happened to be my former school classmate.

So,

We said Hi & stuff.

&

The following happened.

ME : So, what u doing inside here?

Worker Friend : I finding for one UNDERAGE girl inside here. ( The movie was 18+). But dont know where the small kid went.

ME : OH! There! There! the small girl there *points towards the poor little girl*.

Worker Friend : OK! OK! I wanna go catch her. *Walks towards the small girl, talk talk talk, then ASKS HER TO GO OUT!*

Too Bad for the little girl (thanks to the worker & Han Jien),

I guessed, her money went down the DRAIN!

Cinema Workers are the NASTIEST of People!

=)

Dont Judge the Quantity by It's Cover

When u buy Sweets,
Don't just look at the outer BOX n say,

'Wah! Very big, surely got alot of Sweets inside, BUY! BUY! BUY!'

Sometimes,
U will be BULLSHIT-TED by the Boxes!
















See!
Big BOX! Surely alot of Sweets inside! YUM YUM!


But then,
When U open the box,
U get this!































See!
How small is the packet of sweets inside.

So,
Next time,
When u go buy sweets.
Ask the PENIPU seller,
To open up the box, if the sweets are LESSER THAN HALF of the outer box.
Insist on CHEAPER PRICE!

It's like, A Man Who Looks very MANLY outside, but has ONLY one Ball inside.

A Pretty, Hot Lady with ONE BALL?? No No, with one B*EAST.

=)

Nasty Small Kids

Recently,
A FORM 3 girl sent a message to me.
All I did was just call her 'SAKAI'.
That also, coz her name starts from 'S'.
U should know who u are, Sakai!

&

This is the reply I got from her.
(exact same words)

" Eh blow, you cm my hse the next time, i make sure you go bck without penis. Chicken "

See lar,
Nowadays,
Children are all like that.
Young young edi, wanna take ppl's penis lar, call ppl BLOW lar.

Go buy a D*LDO lar if wanna use,
Dont keep a broken penis, cannot use wan.
Dont they teach this in School!

=)

Cheeky-Ness!

Went for a lil shopping with mummy today.

We entered a shop.

As we were looking at somethings.

A Malay Guy approached us.

Out of no where,

Mummy suddenly tells me,

'Son, I'm hungry lar, Lets go EAT!'

Then i replied,

'Mum, are u sure u wanna say that RIGHT 'NOW'?

Then she realised WHO was attending to us!

*Now I know, where all my CHEEKY-Ness comes from*

=)

AM to PM

All of u know,

AM means morning,

PM means afternoon, evening & night right.

Have u ever wondered what AM & PM stands for??

It's actually,

AM - After Midnight = Morning.

PM - Pre Midnight = Afternoon, Evening and Night.

Actually,

The creators of those terms wanted to add another term.

DM - During Midnight = Midnight.

But, they were afraid of confusing the later generations, which is now.

*This is all just BULLSHIT, I made it up*

Google up the real meaning . AM = ANTE MERIDEMIEM. PM = POST MERIDIEM.

I have no idea what do they mean!

=)

Hot Weather

One very hot day,

We were going to catch a movie.

A friend says this 'I wanna go back change to short pants, u see the bloody weather, so hot'

So,

We all went in shorts DUE to the HOT WEATHER!

During the movie,

all 3 of us, were SHIVERING as though we went to the NORTH POLE.

Learn this,

Weather outside CLASHES with the TEMPERATURES in the CINEMA!

When its HOTTER outside, it gets FREEZING inside.

=)

Ppl's Hidden Meaning

Hey,

Ur're quite Smart sometimes.

(Means ur're Stupid most of the time)

(So, please dont be happy when people say that)

=)

A Message From SMART TAG to Dad To Son!

One fine day,

While Queuing to pay at a TOL.

Son Asked his Father :-

Son: Papa, kenapa papa tak beli Touch & Go? Tak payah kita tunggu lama sangat.

Papa: Anakku, dalam hidup, kita tak boleh SENTUH & PERGI sesuka hati, apabila kita

SENTUH, kita kena BERTANGGUNGJAWAB. Seperti PAPA & MAMA, setelah

PAPA SENTUH MAMA, PAPA kena bertanggungjawab ke atas MAMA! Faham anakku?

Son: Faham PAPA, saya kena jadi seorang yang BERTANGGUNGJAWAB!

*after 5 mins, still queuing up*

Son: Papa, kenapa papa tak beli SMART TAG?

Papa: *Starts to EMO * Anakku, SMART TAG untuk orang yang 'SMART' saje, Papa bukan seorang yang Smart. Papa belajar sampai Tadika, itu pun untuk 3 hari saje. Papa belajar 'A' sampai 'E' saje, nak mula 'F', Papa sudah FAIL! FUCK! kemudian keluar. Oleh itu, Anakku, belajar A sampai Z dan jadi seorang yang SMART! boleh lah guna SMART TAG!

Son: OK PAPA! saya janji akan belajar A sampai Z!

Sebenarnya, mereka berdua sedang menaiki MOTOSIKAL!

Nampaknya, PAPA memang FAIL dalam HIDUP!

Menunggang MOTOSIKAL pun nak BAYAR TOL!

=)

Don't Be Known To Lecturers!

I have this one lecturer who likes to PICK on me all the time!

Every class,

He will go like

" TEH, bla bla bla bla "

Shit! it's not good to have ur name known.

We had this Mid Term Test of that Subject.

I had this WONDERFUL plan with one of my friend to COPY .

We even kept one empty paper each so we can pass to each other in between.

We even planned nicely, I study one part, he study one part, then we can exchange answers when required.

Entered the hall,

I purposely sit behind my friend.

Plan will be all perfectly carried out.

Ngam Ngam, there was an empty seat behind me.

When the paper was about to start.

That LECTURER, came to me.

" TEH, move one seat behind! "

I was like WTF! KNS LAR U!

Of all time to call my name, u call me now, to do this!

I went on doing the TEST all alone!

Lesson: Please, HAVE HARD TO CALL NAMES like TinkyWhoLaLaLa! At least, lecturers wont remember ur name!

=)