Marks That Fell From The Sky.

I had this Dynamics Class Assignment.

It's sorta like a TEST.

It consists of 15% of the overall 100% of that particular subject.

Oh well,

Since it was IN THE CLASS,

&

We sat as close as SIAMESE TWINS.

We not only sat close,

We even had the convenience of DISCUSSION!

After some Discussions,

A few of us came up with an answer.

(Oh well, after few ppl agreeing, it must the right answer, RIGHT??)

So,

The few pair of SIAMESE TWINS of us,

Wrote down the SAME ANSWERS.

&

Passed Up happily, "KNOWING" that we will SCORE!

A week later,

We got back out PAPERS.

As u can see, we got all WRONG.

X here and there!

OKAY!

Now the best PART,

After all the WRONGS!

I got,

I got a 10/15!

Hahahaha!

I dont know where did the marks came out from.

( I didnt Bullshit my marks K, I didnt use liquid paper, photoshop or wat so ever)

=)

Commonwealth Commentary

If u watch the live telecast commonwealth thingy on TV, Channel 1

RTM 1.

Then u will know wat i'm saying.

The commentator,

Likes to change the athlete's names.

Dinesh - DANISH. (That guy happened to be from SRI LANKA, but they change him to some white fella from white country)

Megan Dunn - MEGAN TAN.

Leng Louis - LENG LUI'S. (I was thinking, where got LENG LUI, wat the hell is this fella talking about, Guy playing, but keep on Leng Lui Leng Lui)

Shane Perkins - SHAME PERKINS

Josiah Ng - JOSIAH ANG

A particular Commentator was talking about a Cycling Event.

When the cyclist started off, he had this GRRRR face on him, as he was trying very hard to accelerate.

Our dear Commentator was saying this,

"Ahhh Ahh, Kini dia mula! *grrrrrr* kayuhhannya *grrr* yang *grrrr* sungguh kuat *grrrrrr* "

(He was practically grinning also, wat the hell u share the same grin as cyclist for? )

2nd one. Ping Pong game.

Wahh! Back hand yang amat baik sekali.

Lagi satu back hand screw yang amat tajam.

Ya ya, ohhhh.... Lu punya cibai lar, tak tahu bagi return yang lebih bagus?!!

Nenek saya boleh bagi return yang lebih Mahai lar.

Bodoh! Bodoh! balik rumah main burung lar, main ping pong pulak!

(I just simply created the 2nd one)

+)

P/S: Malaysian Commentary will keep u entertain. They are LAME LAME LAME ppl.

Swimming Student.

Me and another few people conduct swimming classes in uni.

&

I happened to teach students who 'were' practically scared of water.

&

One of them has a body that potray a ROCK! STONE!

He's like DAM DAM DAM stiff! Cannot seem to relax.

Oh well,

He was doing kicking,

After a million times of teaching,

Questions were thrown at him,

Question: Eh, U know wat are ur legs doing or not?

Stone Guy: Er, hehehehe, I dont know wor.

*I was like, WTH! U dont know ur own leg*

HanJien: Then U know, when ur Birdie Go HARD HARD, U know or not?

Stone Guy: OH! YES!! I know I know.

HanJien: Then when u 'SHOOT', U know or not?

Stone Guy: hahaha! YES! YES! I know!

HanJien: Then, U know wat u do till u SHOOT? * While showing hand up n down ;) *

Stone Guy: ER ER ER ER! Yes, I know!

HanJien: THEN! Why u dont bloody know wat is going on with ur legs??!!!

Stone Guy: Very easy! My BIRDIE, One Batang only, but my legs Two Batang!!

People are dam smart nowadays!

+)

Fish!

We were having dinner.

&

We had FISH as one of the dishes.

While eating the fish.

My friend said this,

" Eh, the meat in the fish FACE part is the NICEST "

I started LAUGHING.

By definition from the WEB, face means,

the front of the human head from the forehead to the chin and ear to ear; "he washed his face"; "I wish I had seen the look on his face when he got the news"

All I know is that fishes have HEAD. Not FACE.

Imagine this,

FISH HEAD Curry -> FISH FACE Curry.

FISH HEAD Fried Noodles -> FISH FACE Fried Noodles.

The Fish is a very special animal. They have FACE. U see the CHEEKS, CHIN, FOREHEAD(Flower Horn).

Since, in terms of my friend, HEAD = FACE. Then, FACEBOOK = HEADBOOK!

=)

P/S: When u see someone with a FISHY LOOK. 'DUDE! U got FISH FACE'

Daddy!

Daddy came

&

We talked about studies.

He asked,

How are studies?

I said,

Oh! Studies? EASY PEASY lar! haiyo, u know me, I'm Han Jien wert, UR SON! How hard can it get?

*okie okie, I was just joking k, i didnt say such things*

I really said this,

I'm super STRESSED up, dam difficult semester, gonna die edi lar.

Dad said,

Oh, if u can say difficult, then crazy edi.

*I'm so flattered*

*The best part is this*

He then continue with this,

Haiya, take it EASY lar, Chill. Cannot ma dont force lar. FAIL MA FAIL lar. No worries.

hahaha!

So nicey! Daddy is asking me to fail!

I guess, deep down inside, he knows I wont fail! CHEH!!

=)

Guys need Girls, Girls Need Guys.

U guys might think, NO! we are egoistic ppl, we dont need girls, WE CAN Master8ate ourselves.

U girls might think, NO! we can live on our OWN two feet. WE CAN have test tube babies!

YES! YES! Either one is also CORRECT.

But then,

U gotta see this,

Girls are smarter, (I admit)

Without dumb guys,

How can girls say that they are SMARTER? Takkan girls wanna compare with Animals right?

With girls,

Guys can also say that they are 'dumber' than girls.

Guys can carry BRICKS,

Girls cannot, but, girls can carry BROOMS & MOPS.

Guys build the HOUSE,

Girls can help clean it up.

Girls can CAMWHORE,

Guys can CAMWHORE too!

Without guys, girls wont Camwhore.

Same,

Without girls, guys wont Camwhore.

(It would serve no purpose to Camwhore for ur own gender to see)

Guys need Girls to give birth and take care of babies.

Girls still need the ' Lil Soldiers ' of guys to ' make the war happen '.

Girls need money from guy to be able to say this, "Husband's money is also Wife's money"

Guys HAVE to give money to the wife to follow, "Husband's money is also Wife's money"

U might not be convinced,

But still,

Carry on with ur 'THINKING'.

All I'm saying is that,

Girls needs Guys as much as Guys needs Girls.

Thats why! The world is ROUND, not square!

=)

Ben 10

U touch my car,

I POW!! POW!! POW!! u with BEN 10 powers!

Try me baby!

Kids nowadays are so lucky.

Parents will do what ever it takes to make their children happy.

Even,

Sticking such a big BEN10 sticker on their cars.

Last time,

Stick one small hello kitty sticker INSIDE the car also kena makan Rotan edi.

Imagine one of this BEN10 stickers ended up on a LAMBORGHINI!

=)

Newspaper 2

If u happened to read the newspaper.

There is a news on a couple being sent to jail and some correction school.

Their criminal act was 'intentionally abandoning a baby'.

They guy was sentenced to jail

&

The girl was sent to a correction place.

Both of them asked for lighter sentences.

The guy said,

I learnt my mistakes & I will marry the girl after this, give me shorter jail term.

The girl said,

Please dont send me to that school, got alot of lesbians there. *just joking*

She said,

Please dont send me to that school, I'm so horny now, I have to let my baby suck it off. *just joking*

She really said this,

Please dont send me to that school, because I'm breastfeeding the baby.

Ya! Ya! Ya!

When u both decided to throw away the baby,

Did u thought of marrying the girl???

Did u thought of breastfeeding the baby???

NOOOOO!!

All u wanted was, to go have sex with another girl.

&

Go breastfeed other GUYS instead of that poor baby!

Serve U two right!

Wanna fulfill LUST,

Baby come out edi,

Throw away,

Kena Caught,

Now have to go jail edi,

Give Bullshit excuses!

Hope ur Jail Term gets extended.

P/S: Ppl, please dont do such shits!

=)

Badminton Racquet.

Recently,

While playing Badminton,

I BROKE my racquet,

&

N it broke my heart! =(

Nevermind!

I got a new idea on which racquet to get.

This racquet only cost RM13!

Am gonna try to use this RACQUET.

Made from steel strings, wont break.

Cost LOW.

Even if break a few,

I dont mind.

Even the NATIONAL Team Players.

Can start to use this RACQUET.

Then, they will become WORLD & OLYMPIC CHAMPIONS.

Coz,

Example,

When Lee Chong Wei plays Lin Dan.

&

Chong Wei uses this racquet.

When he hits the shuttle to Lin Dan,

He will ZAP! it with electricity.

When the shuttle hits Lin Dan's Racquet,

He will get electrocuted and he will be stunned for a while,

(Yea Yea! Lin Dan kena ZAPPED! WOHOO!)

Therefore,

Giving Chong Wei the advantage!

WAHLAH!

WORLD & OLYMPIC CHAMPION BABY!!

=)

A Newspaper Report.

MUAR: A teenager nicknamed Mat Tetek who went around harassing women by squeezing their breasts and even flashing his private parts has been arrested.

The 17-year-old youth, who came from Kluang (LUCKILY NOT KLANG) to live with his elder sister in Kampung Parit Yusof here, was detained after police tracked the motorcycle he used to terrorise his victims.

Muar police chief Asst Comm Mohammed Nasir Ramli said the youth first molested a 22-year-old woman motorcyclist near a petrol kiosk in Parit Jawa on Wednesday.

He said the youth approached the woman and when she slowed down, he touched her breasts and sped off when she shouted.

The woman managed to note down the motorcycle registration number and passed the information to the police.

“On Thursday, the youth terrorised four more women, including one near a bus stop by squeezing their breasts,” ACP Mohammed Nasir told reporters here yesterday.

He said the youth even flashed his private parts at a 49-year-old woman at about 7.15am.

He said the youth also snatched a handbag from one of the victims, adding that police detained him at his sister’s house at about 8.50pm on Thursday.

This caught my attention.
Not because of the dirty things that he does.

I guess,

His tactics are like that.

1st, he will go up to the lady.

Then, GRAB the Boobs or wat so ever.

Then,

When the girl screams.

He will take out his weapon (in this case, his lil brother)

Then,

He will stuff it in the girls mouth to Gag her!

Then,

He will Snatch away the handbag.

I feel like killing him in one way or another.

Sampart People we have in this world.

Ladies, Please be careful.

P/S: If ever such a thing happen to u, a guy FORCEFULLY put his 'LIL BROTHER' into ur mouth, PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! ( Promise me, u'll do this) BITE THAT PIECE OF SHIT OFF! Let that idiot suffer. It will save ur life!

=)

Tips Of No Help.

A lecturer came in the class.

Said this to us,

" Class, I will now give u all the tips for the QUIZ on Chapter 13 "

Everybody goes,

" YES! Got tips, hahahaha! "

Lecturer then started to give tips.

All the students,

Including me,

Started to copy wat he said.

As time goes on,

The things that we copied became MORE & MORE.

Until it reached almost,

ONE PAGE OF A4 paper.

At the end of it all,

He finished.

When we finally came to OUR DUMB SENSES.

He gave tips that COVERED EVERYTHING in that Topic.

What an ASS fella!

Mind as well,

Just tell us to study everything!

SAKAI U lecturer.

=)

Too Much Of Differentiation In LIFE!

When u have too much Calculus, DIFFERENTIATION in LIFE!

All sorts of things will go through ur mind.

Like the following.

( U gotta understand basic differentiation to get it, even form 4 will do)

Rate of change of V in terms of t.

OR

Change of something on the top DEPENDING on something of the BOTTOM.

EXAMPLES:-

The rate of ur FAILURE in STUDIES depending on HOW much u FACEB*OK.

The Rate of SMARTNESS u'll be in TERMS of How Much U STUDY!

How FAT u'll be In Terms of HOW MUCH U EAT.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Now Now, I'm sure u got wat I mean already.

If ur're underage, please exit now,

If u want to see further,

GO ON OWN RISK !

Happy LEARNING MORE!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Rate of How Fast A Guy Will Reach Climax Depends on HOW HARD THE GIRL BANGED HIM!

How Loose ............................................................*understand it urself*

The rate of How Fast Dick Hardens in terms of How Sexy The Girl Is!

=)

Jam & Toilet!

While driving,
On a JAMMED highway.
JAM is super long!
Car Petrol sign keep on coming out on the dashboard!
Wanna go toilet dam badly,
The PEE stayed on closed door for 30mins edi.
The next PETROL STATION is 30mins away.
All u have is a bottle.


This HAPPENS!

















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PROBLEM SOLVED!
Super Car! Can move on PEE!

Then,
When u reached home!
Mummy tells u that

The Petrol Indicator Spoil already!

=)